Jerusalem Enquirer: Rabbi Norman Lamm's Psychic Predictions

A few days ago (5/10/2009) the Jerusalem Post interviewed Yeshiva University President Norman Lamm and reported about some predictions that he had for the future of Judaism,
The Reform and Conservative Movements are disappearing, Yeshiva University Chancellor Rabbi Norman Lamm said over the weekend.

"With a heavy heart we will soon say kaddish on the Reform and Conservative Movements," said Lamm, head of the Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary, in an interview with The Jerusalem Post.
Rabbi Lamm"s remarks set off a furor of criticism. But the poor man just was making a prediction. He did not mean to hurt anyone. No need therefore for him to apologize!

The clairvoyant rabbi has now been quoted in another Israeli publication, the Jerusalem Enquirer, where he offers up his ten top predictions for the future of Judaism. Remember, the rabbi is but an empty vessel through which unbelievable psychic and prophetic wisdom passes.
By Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm
Psychic Predictions for 2010 / 5770 
  1. The Conservative movement of Judaism will declare chapter 11 bankruptcy and convert its synagogues into health spas.
  2. The Reform movement of Judaism will become a Protestant denomination.
  3. The  Jewish Theological Seminary building will be turned into a mega-church for the new Reform movement.
  4. The Chabad Lubavitch Hasidic organization will declare Rabbi Shmuley Boteach to be its Rebbe. He will publish a book called "Kosher Seating," permit mixed pews in synagogues and open a mega-synagogue in Dallas, Texas.
  5. To boost its sagging enrollments, Yeshiva University will create a Spanish-Language Dominican Studies Program and enroll 10,000 new local students from Washington Heights. The "Talmud in Spanish" will become the most popular course at the College.
  6. A great rabbi will die or he will move with his family from New York City to Israel.
  7. A wealthy American Jew will be arrested as a result of a financial scandal.
  8. A corrupt Israeli politician will be jailed as a result of a bribery scandal.
  9. Two prominent Hollywood Jews of the same gender will marry or some intermarried Hollywood Jews will divorce their non-Jewish spouses.
  10. The messiah will appear, and he will be seen riding on a Lamm  lamb going up the hill to Jerusalem.

1 comment:

Aliza "La Jewminicana" Hausman said...

I find number 5 particularly hilarious. Could be because I'm a Dominican Jew. When do you think this new program will open? :)