Funny: Deleted from Wikipedia "Judaism"

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From Judaism

Judaism is the religion of the Jewish people. (That's funny. Judaism doesn't look Jewish.)

As YHWH himself was originally a war God ("YHWH of the hosts"), the worship of fertility gods such as Baal (or the Baalim) was attractive once the Israelites had settled down (after which YHWH became the mascot of the Israelite football team, for which YHWH smited a few Israelites).

Modern Orthodox is a common traditional form of Judaism, which has a broad adherence to historic traditions, and practices, and worship and belief in traditional form, except that the people like to visit delis, wear baseball caps, and eat bagels and lox on Shabbat afternoons.

(A characteristic of the Reform Movement) is its rejection of the binding nature of Jewish ceremonial law as such and instead believing that individual Jews should exercise an informed autonomy about what to observe, unless they are in a frathouse, in which case every day is Purim and they get drunk.

(On Sukkot) They (Jews) decorate it (a sukkah) with fruit and vegetables and play country/Western music at dances, called "hoedowns". The roof is made of pine tree branches so that you can see the stars through the ceiling. Jews all around the world eat and sleep in this Sukkah, freezing their butts off, for 7 days and nights.

(On Rosh Hashanah) Bobbing for honey apples is customary, as is pouring applesauce on each other.

(Purim) is characterized by public recitation of the Book of Esther, giving mutual gifts of food and drink, giving charity to the poor, and a celebratory meal (Esther 9:22); other customs include drinking alcohol, wearing of masks and costumes, and huge joyus and sometimes wild parties. In short, Jews hire a frat and pretend they're in a frathouse, which amounts to the same thing.

In "Lifecycle Events": Brit milah - Welcoming male babies into the covenant through the rite of circumcision on their eighth day of life (if the mohel is bad, a castration, eeeww!).

Fun with Pope Benedict XVI: Arrange things so his skullcap reads BAR/BAT MITZVAH OF {your favorite relative), (MONTH)(DAY)(YEAR) on the underside. That'll REALLY have the Vatican in cackles! (Better yet, label it "Bar Mitzvah of Joseph Ratzinger...")

Many congregations, especially larger ones, also rely on a:

- Gabbai (sexton) - Calls people up to the Torah, appoints the shatz for each prayer session if there is no standard shatz, and makes certain that the synagogue is kept clean and supplied.
- Baby - Cries and whines in the sanctuary during services, the purpose of which is to annoy people.