The Iranian media is abuzz with the rumors that Esther, queen of Iran, is actually a Jew. When asked about her origins and her religion, Esther denied categorically that she was Jewish. She said it was clear at her foster father Mordecai is not a Jew. He is named after Marduke the pagan god. Esther said, "I am a pagan not a Jew."
Rumors continue to circulate regardless of her denials. Esther commented, "If I were a Jew that would mean that the Iranian Empire was ruled by a queen who is Jewish. That is completely ridiculous."
Esther ascended to the throne after winning the national contest, "Iranian Idol". Her winning performance included the popular song, "Oh joy, it's so good to be a goy."
The king was asked as well if his queen was a Jew. He said, "No of course she's not - do you think that we would have selected a Jew to become queen of Iran? It is just as she says. She is an idolater just like all the rest of us."
We will continue to investigate this story because the rumors just won't go away.
Update: Wait, Wait. She is Jewish! Reporter Brian Williams was at the dinner when Esther proclaimed her Jewishness.
Happy Purim Everyone!