Dear Pat, Cut it Out. Yours truly, G-d

Dear Pat,

Just wanted to drop you a brief note to let you know my thinking on the matter of Ariel Sharon.

You were wrong, of course as you realized, about my motive for bringing upon him his recent stroke. It had nothing to do with the Gaza pull-out. I don't understand why you thought that it did. The timing was all wrong. If I had wanted to punish him for the evacuation, I would have done it sooner. In fact, if I was against the pull-out, I would have stopped Ariel before he went ahead with it.

No, I also did not punish Sharon for his more recent sin, splitting from Likud and starting his own party. It's not that I dislike Likud. They are a reasonable nationalistic political party. It is true that I like Labor a bit more because it stands more strongly for social justice and has more potential for bringing peace to the region.

It's also true that I was incensed over the complete lack of core commitment that Ariel was showing. He seems to stand for nothing. One minute he builds settlements. The next minute he evacuates them. One day he is the leader of Likud, the next day he abandons them.

It's also true that I expect my leaders to stand for something. It doesn't have to be a perfect ideology or philosophy or religion. I am flexible. Look at all the religions and political systems that I tolerate in the world. It's just my expectation that a leader be accountable to a core set of principles or beliefs.

But even though Sharon abandoned Likud, I did not punish him for that, although I admit that I may have thought for a second, if you can't be loyal to your own party, may your brain explode.

Pat, you and your friend Jerry Falwell and now the mayor of New Orleans (who said the floods were my way of punishing the USA for invading Iraq), you guys have no right to claim you speak for me.

I have no reason to go out on a limb and make any new explanations about catastrophes. The Holy Scriptures that you have in your canons seem to be working pretty well. I have billions of followers all over the world. Accordingly, I decided a while ago not to inspire any new prophets. I thought, why take a chance at this juncture at losing my multi-millenial-momentum?

Keep this above your desk, Pat. "Anyone who claims to speak for me is a false prophet."

And cut it out, okay?

Yours truly,


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And NOW who's speaking for G-d?

Your devoted friend,